Gone

I am gone.
I'm so far gone you wouldn't even know
So far gone I won't even show.
I'm so far gone and there's no way out
so far gone I just want to shout.
I'm so far gone you could never hear me scream
So far gone you wouldn't hear a thing.
I'm too far gone I try and let you see.
So far gone you wouldn't notice me.
I'm so far gone drowning in quick sand.
So far gone there is no helping hand.
I'm too far gone you can't help me.
So far gone I tried, begged on one knee.
I wish you could understand how much pain one could withstand. 

I try to be brave yet I have drowned, 
I'm in so deep to deep for you to notice, 
to deep for you to care I'm gone now nothings left. 
I should only hope you learn, 
it was never your fault. 
The depression cut me
to deep for you see to deep for you too feel.
The Pain is bigger then me, 
I tried to fight.
I'm just gone now.
I'm sorry

im feeling very depressed lately...im 2000 miles awya from my family and my sister committed suicide this month and everythng is falling down around me.

missing my sister

One morning I found you in eternal sleep; 
I tried to wake you as I began to weep,
But all my pleas you could not hear;
Oh if I could have only kept you near,
Away from the voices of those who went before,
Who beckoned you to come to that distant shore.

I find it so very hard to believe
That you have gone and I must grieve;
I call out your name -- you answer not,
And I look for you in every familiar spot.
Everything seems so strange and surreal,
I ask everyday is it a dream or real?

Where are the soft brown eyes of affection?
Where is the laughter and talk of childhood reflection?
Where is the loving care when I was sick or sad?
Where is the generous soul for which I was glad?
Where is the forgiving and understanding heart?
Where are the bonds that were there from the start?

I miss all the little ways you showed you cared,
For there were so many good moments we shared;
Looking back on my life’s assorted scenes,
I realized you taught me what love truly means;
You were my trusted confidante and best friend,
On whose loving support I could always depend.

I look at your smiling face in all my photos;
Memories flood my mind as I touch the mementos
From the happy times you and I have had,
But now these bring tears and make me sad;
For the time together went by in a wink,
Life was not as long as we’d like to think.

Sometimes memories bring comfort and make me smile,
But there are times when grief takes over for a while;
Friends offer gentle words and prayers to console,
And tell me what has happened to your loving soul;
Can it be true what they say of time healing grief?
Is it enough when they say death has given you relief?

Can we believe what others say of a better place,
Where our beloved ones rest in God’s warm embrace?
I should be happy you’re free of pain and sorrow,
And rejoice that you’ll always have tomorrow.
How can I then be so heartbroken and selfishly cry,
Return to me from that peaceful place where you lie!”

Now I look down at your name on a cold hard stone
That says little of the loving light you have shone;
It tells nothing of the wonderful person you were,
And only serves to remind me of the painful loss I endure;
But I know your kind soul wants no tears or pain,
Instead you’d want warm memories and love to remain.

Although I cry and stand grief-stricken by your grave,
I promise not to forget the loving memories you gave;
But still I miss you so very much my sister dear,
And your caring words I once again long to hear;
My heart’s only solace is one day I will see you as before,
Beckoning me to come join you on that white distant shore

for my mother

When God set the world in place, when He hung the stars up in space, when He made the land and the sea, then He made you and me. He sat back and saw all that was good, He saw things to be as they should. Just one more blessing He had in store; He created a mother, but whatever for? He knew a mother would have a special place to shine His reflection on her child's face. A mother will walk the extra mile just to see her children smile. She'll work her fingers to the bone to make a house into a home. A mother is there to teach and guide, a mother will stay right by your side. She'll be there through your pain and strife, she'll stay constant in your life. A mother will lend a helping hand until you have the strength to stand. She'll pick you up when you are down, when you need a friend she'll stick around. A mother is one who listens well, will keep her word; will never tell. A mother never pokes or pries but stands quietly by your side, giving you the strength you need, encouraging you to succeed. A mother is one who can be strong when you need someone to lean on. You're more than a mother to me; a reflection of Him in your face I see, a love that knows no boundaries. I'm glad that you chose to be all this and more to me. You share a love that knows no end, you're more than my mother, you are my friend.

for milissia

I wish you sweet sleep, my sister dear.
Although there's so much that you've left bare
I hate that you had to endure such pain
On my mind, your saddened eyes have left a stain.

I want to know what crossed your mind
Unspoken words you've left behind
Undone things we'll never do
No sharing thoughts you never knew.

A peace has fallen upon your head
A taste of sorrow we have been fed
It really is like a hole in our lives
One swiftly dug but carved out by knives.

But I have hope that those sleeping will rise
The Bible says that God will open their eyes.
No suffering, sickness, yes not even pain,
Those who did good, eternal life they'll gain.

So... sleep on my sister, sleep tight
For now with you the sky is night.
But after night will come daybreak
Therefore I will wait hoping to see you awake

Ode To You

You -- you --
Your shadow is sunlight on a plate of silver;
Your footsteps, the seeding-place of lilies;
Your hands moving, a chime of bells across a windless air.

The movement of your hands is the long, golden running of light from a rising sun;
It is the hopping of birds upon a garden-path.

As the perfume of jonquils, you come forth in the morning.
Young horses are not more sudden than your thoughts,
Your words are bees about a pear-tree,
Your fancies are the gold-and-black striped wasps buzzing among red apples.
I drink your lips,
I eat the whiteness of your hands and feet.
My mouth is open,
As a new jar I am empty and open.
Like white water are you who fill the cup of my mouth,
Like a brook of water thronged with lilies.

You are frozen as the clouds,
You are far and sweet as the high clouds.
I dare to reach to you,
I dare to touch the rim of your brightness.
I leap beyond the winds,
I cry and shout,
For my throat is keen as is a sword
Sharpened on a hone of ivory.
My throat sings the joy of my eyes,
The rushing gladness of my love.

How has the rainbow fallen upon my heart?
How have I snared the seas to lie in my fingers
And caught the sky to be a cover for my head? How have you come to dwell with me,
Compassing me with the four circles of your mystic lightness,
So that I say "Glory! Glory!" and bow before you
As to a shrine?

Do I tease myself that morning is morning and a day after?
Do I think the air is a condescension,
The earth a politeness,
Heaven a boon deserving thanks?
So you -- air -- earth -- heaven --
I do not thank you,
I take you,
I live.
And those things which I say in consequence
Are rubies mortised in a gate of stone.

Part of Me From You

I see in you something missing from me. When I am with you I am whole. I reach into you for my missing piece. I use part of you as me. You freely give to me of yourself And bring out the best in me. I become whole more confident in myself. Yet I am incomplete because The missing part of me is still in you. When we are apart my missing piece fades away. I am incomplete The shock of the loss makes me chase after you. What is the cost to you Supplying a missing piece of me Supporting me where I lack. But the missing piece is in me all the time. I need only to claim it as mine. I cannot take from you to fill in a part of me. But I can see myself through your eyes. And recover what I thought I had lost.

I am rotten

rotten to the core

I feel so locked in

and I feel so torn

The air I breathe

rejects my lungs

My chest heaves

as I feel your tongue

My sweet, sweet honey

you keep me alive

But the days aren't sunny

in our beehive

Those full of hate

try to keep us apart

If that is our fate

it's a dagger in my heart

And so I must bleed

on this wretched, cold floor

I am the weed

the canker, the sore.